I haven’t written anything in the longest time because I am bad at sticking to my New Years Resolutions (1. Write something every day, fail).
Some things that have happened in my life recently:
1. Broke up with boyfriend, approximately one week before our two year anniversary. This was and is still quite hard for me to deal with. I’m not exactly doing okay at it.
2. Went to New Zealand for Blood & Thunder roller derby boot camp. Spent four days non-stop skating and drinking a surprisingly large amount of alcohol for an “athletic” holiday. Stayed at random stranger’s houses and relied on the kindness of said strangers for the entirety of my trip.
3. Got back home. Started coaching my derby league. Brought the winds of change to my team.
4. Broke my lease last week, currently freaking out about moving house.
So…..large things are happening in my life. To replace the void of having my boyfriend around all the time, I basically threw myself completely into derby (and drinking) and this weekend I guess I had a mini-breakdown of sorts. I realised I can’t keep going the way that I am. I’m having a hard time balancing my personal life with my sport and I’m freaking out. I don’t really know how I’m going to deal with this, considering in a month’s time I will be having my first bout – so I can’t exactly be taking any time off before then. I’m hoping that I can just get through this month and wear myself out, get myself through the bout and then hole myself away for a few weeks and get my head back together. Because right now I feel like I’m flying autopilot and my mind is in about ten thousand pieces all drifting around in this goo at the bottom of my skull.
To say the least, I am fucking stressed.
I hope to get back on the writing horse and morph this blog into a roller derby bonanza blog, but I’m gonna need some fucking time, and to not be in the headspace where all I write about is how much of a drain it is. Because it’s a fantastic sport and it’s done wonders for me and my confidence. But right now it is kind of killing me! And I don’t want to scare potential freshies away with all that negativity. So please check back soon, and this week you should tell someone you love them, because maybe it’ll be the last time you get the opportunity to say it to them and maybe it’ll be the first time they’ve ever heard it.