Living Dead Girl


I haven’t written anything in the longest time because I am bad at sticking to my New Years Resolutions (1. Write something every day, fail).

Some things that have happened in my life recently:

1. Broke up with boyfriend, approximately one week before our two year anniversary. This was and is still quite hard for me to deal with. I’m not exactly doing okay at it.

2. Went to New Zealand for Blood & Thunder roller derby boot camp. Spent four days non-stop skating and drinking a surprisingly large amount of alcohol for an “athletic” holiday. Stayed at random stranger’s houses and relied on the kindness of said strangers for the entirety of my trip.

3. Got back home. Started coaching my derby league. Brought the winds of change to my team.

4. Broke my lease last week, currently freaking out about moving house.

So…..large things are happening in my life. To replace the void of having my boyfriend around all the time, I basically threw myself completely into derby (and drinking) and this weekend I guess I had a mini-breakdown of sorts. I realised I can’t keep going the way that I am. I’m having a hard time balancing my personal life with my sport and I’m freaking out. I don’t really know how I’m going to deal with this, considering in a month’s time I will be having my first bout – so I can’t exactly be taking any time off before then. I’m hoping that I can just get through this month and wear myself out, get myself through the bout and then hole myself away for a few weeks and get my head back together. Because right now I feel like I’m flying autopilot and my mind is in about ten thousand pieces all drifting around in this goo at the bottom of my skull.

To say the least, I am fucking stressed.

I hope to get back on the writing horse and morph this blog into a roller derby bonanza blog, but I’m gonna need some fucking time, and to not be in the headspace where all I write about is how much of a drain it is. Because it’s a fantastic sport and it’s done wonders for me and my confidence. But right now it is kind of killing me! And I don’t want to scare potential freshies away with all that negativity. So please check back soon, and this week you should tell someone you love them, because maybe it’ll be the last time you get the opportunity to say it to them and maybe it’ll be the first time they’ve ever heard it.


I haven’t been blogging because I’ve been concentrating on writing…and although I guess they’re sort of the same thing, I find it really really hard to do both at the same time. And to be honest, writing and the practicing of the writings is far more important to me right now, because it makes me feel fulfilled and less like my head is going to explode, while blogging makes me feel hardly any satisfaction and sometimes it makes me feel like shit when people leave douchebaggy messages.

Maybe later on when I come out of my writing shell I might start blogging again. I’m focusing on doing a few small zines at the moment so when they’re done I’ll post about them and you can ask me to send you one and then read my stuff.

To tide you over until then, here’s a picture of me wearing my fancy new dress from etsy….

And here’s a conversation I heard on the train the other day from two dudebros, this came in between them talking about getting so drunk and being so badass. It kind of reminded me that when you look at someone and hear all they talk about being getting drunk and getting into fights and stuff, they still have a really boring home life just like you….

“Bru, I guarantee you when I get home, my girl will make me wash the clothes AND make dinner. She’s usually like ‘if you wash the clothes I’ll make dinner’, but she never does bru. She’ll wait till like 8 or 9 then go to make dinner. I don’t like that, I like dinner early, I get tired bru. I guarantee you any money she’ll do it again. Guarantee you bru. I’m so tired of it bru, I just wish she would do her part you know? Guarantee you.”


I’ve been a bit obsessed with all things New Orleans and the American South lately. Playing Left 4 Dead 2, reading about voodoo & hoodoo, watching movies set in New Orleans. BUT that’s another post for Things I Don’t Know About, since I don’t know anything about New Orleans except what I’ve seen in movies. THIS post is about the delicious gumbo I made for dinner.

Real gumbo is usually a seafood dish but I despise seafood unless it is the humble octopi, so when I found this recipe for vegan gumbo I knew I had to make it. I’ve tweaked it a lil bit so here’s my version – I didn’t use any okra and I have a feeling that okra is actually what makes gumbo gumbo so…maybe this isn’t real gumbo. Whatever. While making it I was so excited by the smell it gave off that I rang my mum and ordered her to come over so I could have another witness to my creation. It also tastes like the best thing I’ve ever eaten. This year. I’ve been making a lot of recipes from vegan foodie blogs lately (even though I’m an omnivore) and the constant in all of them is chickpeas. What is it with vegans and chickpeas? Anyways…

This makes about enough for four. Be warned to give yourself some time to make this, it took me a bit more than an hour and a half.

1 red onion
5-6 garlic cloves (I always put as much garlic in as possible because I love garlic and would marry it if I could)
2-3 chilis, chopped into circles
2 sticks of celery, chopped into circles
1 capsicum
4 tbsp tomato paste
1 carton vegetable stock
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 can chickpeas
1 can corn
big bunch of coriander
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 lime

Chop up the onion, chilis, celery, capsicum and dice up the garlic real small to begin with. Put the onion into a deep pot with about 2-3 tbsp of vegetable oil and let it fry for a little. You’re gonna want to keep the stove on medium to low heat the whole time. After a few minutes add in the celery, chili and capsicum and let that chill out for a bit.
After a few minutes add in the garlic, stir that around then add in the tomato paste.

Stir that all in really good so the tomato coats everything. Now add the stock, soy sauce, cinnamon, chickpeas and corn. Stir it all in together and this is where the amazing smell comes out. Add in the coriander, stir some more and now you just wait for about half an hour or more. Stir it periodically so that nothing sticks to the bottom of the pot. I added in a couple of spinach leaves as well cause I had some that were about to go off. I mean turn black, not like, go OFF.

Start cooking some rice towards the end, however long it takes you to cook rice…I got a fancy rice maker for Christmas so it does all the work for me.

When it’s all done, spoon the gumbo on top of the rice then pour some lime juice over the top and get ready to have your mind blown. It tastes like a party in my mouth and everyone’s having an orgy.


Just wanted to immortalise this moment forever.


I bought this zine last week, Marbles by Sandy Lim. It’s a collection of ideas for how to get yourself writing again. Which I really needed. I like to savour zines so I’m reading it one page a day. The very first tip was to write about having writer’s block. So I did….

Writer’s block feels like something light on the tip of my tongue that I can’t taste. It feels like a grey brick inside my head where my brain should be. It looks like a grey fog in front of my eyes. I can see shapes through the mist but their edges are blurred and they mean nothing to me. I can hear voices but it’s like listening to people speak from underwater. I can’t hear the words they are saying. Writer’s block is like walking around a building and continually knowing that something is behind the corner. When you turn that corner, it’s gone again. Writer’s block is like having your eyes glued shut, your mouth gagged, your hands tied behind your back and your whole world is left still. Writer’s block feels like standing on a cliff too afraid to jump because your parachute might not open. It takes away your ability to actualise your dreams and it hurts. But it helps to talk about it.

I write one page of random fiction in my diary every day (which is why it’s so short, cause one page in freehand looks like a lot more words than it is) and try to get over this shitty hurdle. It feels like there’s this balloon about to burst inside my head but I don’t have the confidence to catch what comes out with my pen. On one hand I feel that it is my fault, but on the other I think I’m deluding myself into thinking that someday I’m just going to EXPLODE with ideas. That’s not the way it works, writing is hard work and if I want to do it I’ll have to push myself like any job. But hopefully if I keep pushing I’ll forget about the balloon and realise that I’ve created something just with hard work.


The other day I was watching a Japanese Korean horror movie – A Tale of Two Sisters – and I tweeted “If the ghosts in every J-horror movie ever didn’t have hair in front of their face, would they be as scary?”
I was quickly schooled in the fact that there is a whole ghost “concept” in Asia that is entirely different to how we think of ghosts in western society. I had a quick google around and found very little information, then later on I looked into it further and found this excellent website A Yokai A Day… The site is run by a guy named Matt who has been living in the Fukui prefecture in Japan since 2007. Since October last year he has been painting every day (or so) his interpretation of old Japanese woodblocks and prints of yokai – Japanese monsters. You should totally start on the first day he did one here and look through all of them because they are amazing.

Anyways I’ve found that the ghost we see most often depicted in Japanese horror films is the Onryo. I’m going to quote from Matt’s post about Onryo now because he says it better than I ever will.

Both Japanese and Western ghosts usually have a powerful motive for their vengeance. But what makes an onryo so much scarier than its Western vengeful spiritual counterpart is that, while the Western ghost ceases to haunt once it is put to rest, an onryo appears and never goes away. There’s no concept of justice in an onryo’s revenge; in many stories the ghost will terrorize a village, murdering hundreds of poor, innocent souls in the most unimaginable fashions, but she rarely takes revenge on the actual cause of her unrest (usually a nasty husband). If Scooby and the Gang went to Tokyo to solve a mystery, they’d no doubt pull the rubber mask off old farmer Jenkins, call it a night, and then die in a horrible freak Mystery Machine accident, their bodies flayed and twisted into physically indescribable forms.

Wikipedia has this to say about the origins of Onryo:

The traditional Japanese spirit world is layered, with Yomi on one extreme, and the physical world on the other. In-between is a sort of purgatory, an uncertain and ambiguous waiting area where spirits languish before moving on. Ghosts in this in-between state who are very powerful from love, jealousy, hatred or sorrow can bridge the gap back to the physical plane where they can haunt and wreak havoc on their earthly tormentors.

So there you go. Western ghosts are lame crybabies who hang around annoying people. Japanese ghosts will wreck your shit for no reason at all.


I am looking for a best friend. I haven’t had one since I left primary school. Please see the details below and tell me if this is you or someone you know. No I’m not kidding. Well kind of. But not really.

Must be female and within two years of my age (19). Must share my aversion for make up, high heels and taking more than five minutes to get ready. Doesn’t have to like the same books or music as me, but must like the same films (horror).
Must be willing to spend hours lying in parks, staring up at the sky, drinking beer and talking abstractly about life and what we want to be when we’re grown up.
Must also be willing to braid my hair if I ask you to because I don’t know how (required skill).
Must be an atheist, or at least agnostic, also a dedicated feminist and skeptic – anti-vaccination believers or people who like “make me a sandwich” jokes need not apply.
Must be able to recite entire scenes from The Big Lebowski, we can swap roles alternatively so we both get equal time being The Dude or Walter.
Must be willing to dress up in a couple costume for Halloween with me – eg. Starsky and Hutch. Must never be willing to dress up as The Sexy *Variable* for Halloween, unless it is something hilarious like The Sexy Bacterium, The Sexy Sewer Plant Employee or The Sexy Potato.
Must not expect us to stick together all night if we ever go out drinking/picking up. Sometimes a girl has to pick up and you must not cockblock. This behavior if received will always be returned in kind.
Must deal with my boyfriend. This is a big ask, as even I find this a hard task.
Must never ever ever fuck my brother. Ever. Must never ever discuss with me the attractiveness of my brother. Just stay away from my brother. All my brothers. In turn I will never fuck your brother either.
Must be willing to play Left 4 Dead 2 with me all day and all night until our wrists seize up from RSI.
Must not be a freakish Mein-Kampf-reading, Nazi-memorabilia-collecting, “morally superior”, metalhead weirdo.

Bonus Points
Have the same size feet as me, because no one I currently know does so I can’t steal anyone’s shoes. Curse you freakish clown feet.
Own and drive a car. I don’t. You could teach me.
Never ever disagree with me.

Apply within.


I just watched this Aussie serial killer slasher/horror movie called Acolytes. It’s got Joel Edgerton acting (and looking) a bit Ivan Milat-ish and it centres around three messed up teenagers. Their ugly love-triangle dynamic is pretty awesome and they’re good actors so they pull it off. The three of them find a body in the woods one day and then blackmail Joel Edgerton’s character into killing someone for them. It all spirals out of control and things get messy. The plot was solid when it finally got to explaining everything, but somewhere around the halfway point the movie just lost whatever magic it had at the beginning and then sagged all the way up until the ending.
Also there was a weirdly filmed high-schooler sex scene that made me feel really uncomfortable cause it was filmed to make the girl look sexy. She wears a school uniform the entire movie and we even see her at school. I could have done without seeing her writhe and moan.
Aside from that, the shots were amazing. It was most obviously filmed around the Glasshouse Mountains and possibly inner Brisbane – I’m pretty sure one of the shots may have been just down the street from me. Nice to see familiar train stations too, it makes the story seem a bit closer to heart.
All in all a pretty solid movie, and Australian so…support Australian cinema. If we don’t do it, no one will.

Here’s some music I’ve been listening to lately.

One thing I’ll share that I stumbled on today is ZineWiki. Yes, a wiki for zines. Say that three times fast. I added a group on facebook today, Australian Zines, and one of the comments on their wall was “wow, they still make those?” Gave me a bit of a chuckle. Yes, it seems plenty of people still do. I’ve got a couple sitting on my bookshelf and am always looking for more. ZineWiki has a huge list of zines, distros, zine libraries and zine events. It’s awesome. Here’s one I get lazy-regularly – Steampunk Magazine from strangers in a tangled wilderness.

And on that pretentious note I bid you adieu.

PS…new video from Fishstick Mombago, my boyfriend’s video team.


You could cut the tension in this house with a knife. I’m standing in the bathroom upstairs and I can hear that both my housemates have accidentally ended up in the kitchen at the same time. Usually the house acts like a tuning fork and we all take turns when the other is gone, to go into the kitchen alone so we don’t have to talk to each other. It’s just this unspoken ritual that emerges in houses where people hate each other.

I can hear them both down there right now, opposite sides of the room, faces set in scowls, shooting psychic rays of pure hatred at each other. I can’t help but feel this is all my fault – this is my house and I invited them both to live here. I’m not sure where it all went wrong, but I can feel part of their psychic hate rays beaming up to me, yelling at me, “WHY WON’T YOU FIX IT?”
Never move in with your friends, because they won’t stay that way for long.

I’m pretty bummed that I seem to be unable to live in a house where everyone continues to be friendly and responsible and not turn into alcoholics, pill-popping bed-hoppers, brother-fuckers, WoW-playing man-children or hipster wannabes.
I get the sinking feeling that the constant in all these relationships is me – but I always feel that is what assholes tell you when they want you to shut up and feel bad about yourself. Of course the constant in all those relationships is me – I was at no point somebody else. I will of course admit to contributing to the problems of some of these relationships, but there are some whose downfalls I had no influence on at all.

I just wish, one day, I could have a really great housemate. I know you’re out there. I’ll be waiting for you.

Here’s a nice calming swear-free version of Frenzal Rhomb’s “You Can’t Move Into My House”. The awesome fuck-you-you-fuckwit one doesn’t seem to be available on youtube :( Bonus interview with Jade from Ground Zero where the boys from Frenzal seem to be beating the shit out of him.


YESSSS! THIS is the day I have been waiting for, all my very young life. Today I discovered a wonderful movie called Smiley Face. Before I begin, some foreshadowing please?
I am a reformed stoner. As in, I once was a day-in, day-out, all the time type stoner and now I am no longer a stoner. I never get anything done when I’m in those periods of my life, and I lose a few months here and there. So it’s for the best that I am no longer a stoner. Yet I still appreciate stoner comedy, more than anything. I love watching a movie and thinking “yeah, I been there”. I think that’s the only reason people make stoner comedies, cause they’re just so damn relatable. Well…some parts. Not the whole “get into giant gang-related/crazy drug dealer/cops shenanigans. Maybe some of you have, but I haven’t.

The one thing that has always been a little under my skin though, sitting there a little too deep to scratch, is the fact that there really are no stoner comedies with women in the main roles. To which I say, dudes, we smoke weed too, okay? That’s kind of glossed over in movieland though. You’ve got your Pineapple Express, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Dazed and Confused, Harold & Kumar, Big Lebowski, Jay & Silent Bob, Half Baked and of course, the unforgettable Cheech & Chong. Sausage fest.

I got word from a post over at Tiger Beatdown about Smiley Face. It turns out the whole movie is available on youtube…in parts…so guess what I did today? Yup. Here’s part 1, if you have a free hour and a half I suggest you watch it because it’s the best thing I’ve seen in ages.

It stars Anna Faris as Jane whose mouth stays open in a permanent “woahhh” the entire movie. Jane accidentally eats a whole plate of pot cupcakes that belonged to her housemate, then spends their electricity bill money to pay for more weed to make cupcakes to replace them. From then on, she somehow gets her hands on the Communist Manifesto and things get out of control. It’s got Danny Masterson as her housemate (Hyde from That 70s Show!), Jane Lynch, Adam Brody as her dealer (drool), Danny Trejo, John Cho. If you weren’t yet convinced to watch the movie, did I mention it also has John Krasinski, everyone’s favourite Jim from the Office? You even get to see his O face. Bonus.

The whole time I’m watching my brain was saying “yeahhhh. yeahhh that is so me. oh noooo…yeahhh”. It’s so AWESOME to have a female stoner as the main character and get to see a chick making ridiculous mistakes and an absolute fucking fool of herself. Anna Faris is pretty hot I’d say, but at no point in this movie are her looks called to attention. She wears a baggy T-shirt that says “Sex Wax” and pajama pants for most of the movie! It’s awesome to see her just being a normal (stoned) person instead of being either a bitch, or a prude, or not enjoying being stoned, which is what we normally see chicks doing in stoner movies. Whatever man. We like to get high and do stupid shit too. Which is what equality is allll about…right?

One thing I’ve been thinking about afterwards was that although we finally have a female stoner character, she’s just on her own, whereas all the stoner dudes are in couples. I only ever used to smoke on my own, so it made perfect sense to me. But how long is it going to be until we get to see two stoner chicks together getting up to shenanigans? Or are we still held back by Girl Math where 1 girl is acceptable, but 2 girls is a catfight, 3 girls a slippery slope, 4 girls an emasculating vortex, etc? (Read that link, do it)

As a treat, here’s Basketball Jones, a short animated film based on the Cheech & Chong song of the same name.


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